5 Real Talk Tips - Divorce Hacks Your Lawyer Might Skip

As a family lawyer and self-proclaimed breakup guru, I’ve witnessed the complexities of leaving toxic relationships and the challenges of breaking free. Inspired by James Clear’s “Atomic Habits,” I’ve flipped the script to offer four counterintuitive strategies to help you liberate yourself from a toxic relationship and reclaim your life.

1. Forget Closure: Embrace Uncertainty

While Clear advocates for clarity in breaking habits, moving on from a toxic relationship often requires embracing ambiguity. Instead of waiting for all the answers or trying to make sense of the chaos, embrace the uncertainty. Recognize that closure may not come in the form you expect, and that’s okay. Allow yourself to let go of the need for definitive answers and embrace the journey of self-discovery and growth that lies ahead.

2. Don’t Sugar coat it: Confront the Pain

Clear encourages making bad habits unattractive, and the same principle applies to toxic relationships. Rather than romanticising the past or minimising the pain, confront the harsh realities of the toxicity. Allow yourself to feel the discomfort, the heartache, and the betrayal. Confronting the pain head-on can be a powerful catalyst for change and growth. Embrace the discomfort as a sign of your resilience and strength, knowing that it’s a necessary step towards liberation. Journalling can help here.

3. No Contact: Make it Difficult

While Clear advises making good habits easy to adopt, moving on from a toxic relationship often requires making it difficult to maintain contact. Cut off all forms of communication with your toxic ex partner, including phone calls, texts, and social media. Delete their contact information, unfollow them on social media, and create physical distance if necessary. Breaking free from the cycle of toxicity requires creating barriers that prevent you from falling back into old patterns. It may be challenging, but prioritizing your well-being is worth the effort.

4. Take Personal Responsibility: Make it Unsatisfying

Clear suggests making bad habits unsatisfying, and the same principle applies to toxic relationships. Instead of dwelling on the pain or seeking validation from your toxic ex, rewrite your narrative. Focus on reclaiming your power and defining your worth on your own terms. Shift your perspective from victimhood to empowerment. Celebrate your resilience, your courage, and your journey towards freedom. By reframing your narrative, you diminish the satisfaction that the validation from your ex once held over you and pave the way for a brighter future.

To wrap it up, getting over a toxic relationship takes guts, toughness, and an openness to new beginnings. By turning the tables and adopting these unconventional tactics, you can break free from the cycle and take back control of your life.