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Are They a Narcissist or Just a Dick? How To Tell The Difference and Protect Your Sanity
The word narcissist gets thrown around so often that it has almost lost clarity. Every second person walking into my office says they are leaving a narcissist. Yet if everyone is one, no one is. And women who have endured the real disorder end up feeling dismissed and misunderstood.
Episode 4 of my Diary of a Divorce Lawyer podcast breaks down what narcissistic personality disorder actually is, and why so many women confuse narcissistic traits with the full disorder.
Only a small percentage of the population meets the criteria. You need at least five of nine traits. Most people have one or two, which simply makes them self-centred, dismissive, or emotionally unavailable. Annoying, absolutely. Clinically dangerous, not usually.
Monique’s standout explanations
• “One trait is unpleasant. Two traits are painful. Four traits and you are in the web. Five is catastrophic.”
• “A narcissist cannot function without admiration.”
• “They cannot reflect, which means they are always right.”
• “One trait is unpleasant. Two traits are painful. Four traits and you are in the web. Five is catastrophic.”
• “A narcissist cannot function without admiration.”
• “They cannot reflect, which means they are always right.”
The early months of dating create the perfect trap. Narcissists shower you with attention, affection and intensity. It feels intoxicating, especially if you are someone who has spent your life giving more than you receive. Then the cracks appear. The empathy is missing. The entitlement surfaces. The warmth evaporates and you are left questioning your own judgement.
Monique also explains why intelligent, giving women are often targeted. Narcissists take rather than give, and they seek partners who naturally nurture, support and problem-solve. It is not a flaw in your character. It is simply the type of person they gravitate towards.
Our conversation also addressed the hardest truth of all. When dealing with a true narcissist during separation, the conflict only ends when someone stops feeding the fight. You do not surrender your children’s wellbeing. You do not surrender your safety. But sometimes you strategically surrender something else so you can walk away with your mind intact. As Monique said, you must ask yourself, how much is your mental health worth?
Are they a narcissist or just a dick? Understanding the difference protects your sanity and helps you choose your next step with clarity rather than fear.
For more guidance on navigating difficult personalities and finding your footing after separation, subscribe to Dani’s Diary at https://danizetzer.com.au/